In my Health class we have been talking about emotions, and the fact that guilt can be either helpful or harmful. It can be helpful if it helps you correct mistakes you have made or prevent you from making bad decisions, but it can be harmful if you feel guilty for things you shouldn't.
In my case it is the first. I have been feeling so bad for myself lately, and then guilty for feeling bad. I am SO blessed, and I know it, but it has been a struggle for both of us to be going to school at this point in our lives. Every day when I get home and see my angel daughter I just want to cry because I wonder if I am doing the right thing for her. It has also been extremely hard to adjust to Logan, and sometimes I just want to talk to a GIRL MY AGE! I love my husband, my mentor teachers, and the students at school, and I wouldn't change those people for the world, but I don't remember the last time I just talked with a friend about clothes or running a race.
The point is that I am hoping that my guilt will help me correct me feeling sorry for myself. When I got home from school Casey had a poem on our computer, which is the poem from Invictus, it reads:
Out of the night that covers me,
black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced or cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
my head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond the place of wrath and tears
looms the horror of the shade,
and yet the menace of the years
finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
I haven't even dreamed of going through the struggles that this man has, but he can still say that no one is going to get him down. He knew that he was in charge of his own fate. He had an "unconquerable soul".
I've decided that I'm going to take charge of my attitude and use my guilt to make things better for us. I know that I can go out of my way to meet people here. I can make the most of every moment I have with my amazing husband and daughter. I have more blessings than I deserve, but now I just need to change my attitude and focus on the great things going on in our lives!!
P.S. When I get down I tend to do crazy things with my hair . . . so I'm now BLONDE with a SHORT BOB!! . . . what the hell was I thinking?! . . . (sorry about the profanity, but it is the cleanest word that properly explains the situation!!)
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5 comments:
Okay Em you can't get on here and say you have blonde hair and a bob and not post pictures. Love ya
I want to see your hair! I know how you feel, I feel that way usually for the 1st year when we move to a new place. It's hard! And I can't imagine us both going to school with a kid. Definently a lot of challenges . . .
You are such a good person! I am so impressed with the way you handle situations that come your way positively, so don't be so hard on yourself. What you are doing is tough, but I know that you and your family will make it through this challenge with flying colors!
P.S. I want to see a picture of your new style! :)
Emily! My number is 435.881.7605, call me or text me, we will go to lunch or something!!! We keep talking about it, we need to do it!!!
Emily there are lots of peeps in the same boat! you hang in there and feel free to call next time your in Vtown. Hang in there sister. you are a fighter :) and on top of that an amazing mommy, dont you ever doubt that.
I also had the same experience with emotional hair chopping, I am now a pixie head......since December. a weight was lifted . I bet your hair is adorable it always is. post pics.
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